Hollywood, Husbands & Hipflasks…the Mummy’s Dummy Guide to the Movies

One of my favourite pastimes is going to the movies. I have a few friends who are my faithful movie buddies and we go so regularly that I have it down to a fine art. Here is my list of essential guidelines to make every trip to the movies a roaring success:

  1. Timing. Instead of ‘location location location’, it’s ‘timing, timing timing’. As a mother of young children, I have learned that the best time to plan a trip to the movies involves minimising the opportunity cost of what will you be missing at home. If it’s something undesirable, such as dealing with the whole dinner, bath and bedtime debacle, the value of your movie sky rockets. The ideal time to leave home is around 5.30-6pm. By the time you get home, your children should be slumbering like hibernating bears. A whipped supportive husband is crucial to this step.
  2. Movie snacks. I usually don’t buy movie candy bar food. Only in a sweet-tooth emergency will I ever decide spending $9 on a 200 gram bag of M&M’s is a good idea. And I am not a fan of popcorn. Normally I will bring chocolate/lollies from home. I have been banned by George from bringing Maltesers to a movie. He finds them too loud and crunchy, which detracts from his enjoyment of the film. But watching a movie without Maltesers detracts from my enjoyment of the film. This leaves us at a stalemate. Which brings me to my next point…
  3. Movie buddy. It is essential to pick an appropriate companion who will be comfortable with your desired snack food and level of chatting during the film. One of my regular movie buddies discourages commentary and talking during a movie but since she ticks all my other boxes, I let it slide. It is also vital to pick someone with an accommodating husband who won’t deter the early exit that is crucial to maximum movie enjoyment. If your proposed companion’s husband is unwilling to feed, bath & put their children to bed, forcing you to go to the 9.30pm session *shudder*,  consider her now dead to you.
  4. Beverages. I rarely go to the movies without smuggling in beer, cider, wine, or occasionally if I am feeling a little crazy, maybCarrie-movie1e something in the ‘vodka cruisers’ family. If I am going to enjoy a movie, I will certainly enjoy it more with the consumption of contraband alcohol. The gratification gained from an illicit beverage should not be underestimated. My husband doesn’t love me bringing drinks in as he finds it a bit bogan. Luckily, we don’t often venture out to the movies together so usually I am free to knock it back like a dehydrated camel. I should clarify that I don’t normally sneak booze into kids’ movies, though ironically that is where there is a greater need for it.
  5. Arrival time. Don’t get there too early or even on time. George took a lot of training in this area. When we first met, he would want to rush to get there for the session time. Don’t bother, they always start late. Take your time. Stop and grab some sushi or a cocktail. Whilst you may miss an ad for your local ugg boot factory or personal injury lawyer, you certainly won’t miss the start, so do not fret.
  6. Flying solo. Don’t be afraid to go alone. I have, on numerous occasions, gone to the movies alone if I cannot find a companion. I am a spontaneous person, so often if I decide at 5.45 to go to a 6pm movie, I can’t find anyone available to go with me. I know, crazy – right! That does not stop me. I have sat there by myself on a weeknight, with my hipflask and bag of Maltesers, knowing that I am NOT in fact, a loser. I have left my husband at home with 3 wide eyed children and a sink full of dirty dishes. I am a winner.

Ladies, I hope these pointers have opened your eyes and will help you to unlock your full movie-going potential. Implement my guidelines and before you know it, you & your chosen sidekick will be tap dancing around like Annie and Miss Farrell singing ‘Let’s go to the Movies’ in excited anticipation.

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3 thoughts on “Hollywood, Husbands & Hipflasks…the Mummy’s Dummy Guide to the Movies

  1. Naomi May 27, 2015 / 6:44 pm

    Love this one! I have learnt so much. I have not been to the movies in 5yrs!! Yes this is a true statement. My husband isn’t going to know what hit him!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. girlCIRCA1980 May 27, 2015 / 6:59 pm

    That’s it, I’m out to get me a flask! (or maybe just use one of the kids school drink bottles?!?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nigel Nofriends May 29, 2015 / 3:12 pm

    A whole bunch of rules and then what do you know your off the movies on your own. The story of my life.

    Like

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