Soccer Mums – the Good, the Bad and the In-Between

Last year I watched the film ‘Bad Moms’. It’s pretty hilarious: a formerly ‘perfect mom’ can’t cope anymore, has a breakdown and decides she will just be a ‘bad mom’ from now on. Check out how she loses it:


I’ve never aimed for perfection when it comes to motherly duties. Don’t get me wrong: I love my kids, they’re awesome and I want the best for them with the stuff that really matters. I just don’t have the time or energy to do everything or do it perfectly. If I was so inclined, I’d have to shape up in these areas:

  • School: I’m the one who forgets to read the newsletter and never knows what’s happening, handing in money frantically at the last minute and harassing the office ladies for information I should already have.
  • P & C: I can’t seem to make it to the meetings despite good intentions. I either forget or the lure of the TV and chilled chardonnay are too enticing after a tiring day.
  • School parades: I can’t sew and I’m not crafty; buttons aren’t replaced in our house, they are simply mourned. The easter hat parade is my worst nightmare, followed closely by bookweek. An experienced mother of 5 told me a year or so ago “I’m done making costumes for book week. I told my kids they can only wear whatever they can find in the dress up box.” That woman is my hero.
  • School assembly: I don’t often go unless I know something is happening involving my own kid. I’d much rather enjoy the relative tranquility at home as it coincides with Miss 4’s rest time. And other times I actually have housework to do. Last week I asked “Kids, I’ve got a pretty busy day today. Do you mind if I don’t come to assembly?” Miss 10 said, incredulously, “Of course we don’t. There’s no point us all being bored!” Champion!
  • Sport: My kids do tennis, soccer, dancing, acrobatics and swimming. I’m not omnipresent so something has to give. Plus there are school sports carnivals, where I’ll make an appearance but then I need to move on for my own sanity and for my 4-year-old shadow. I just can’t put up with 6 hours of whining about boredom and hunger. I’ve learned that as long as I leave spending money, the kids are fine.
  • Chores: They’ve all got 2 arms and 2 legs so I don’t make their beds, unpack their school bags or pick up after them. The big kids get their own breakfast and put their own laundry away as well as unloading the dishwasher each morning. Even Miss 4 has a few jobs she has to do.
  • Food: Fruit first then if they want biscuits or muffins and the occasional donut, that’s fine. You won’t find organic bran muffins here. Home baking usually includes choc chips but never kale.

Despite my low boredom threshold at many kids events, my apparent inability to get a permission slip in on time, my lack of artistic talent and truly believing that school parades are designed primarily to torture parents, I’m not a monster; I love goofing around with the kids, playing games, having movie nights, buying too many gifts, reading to them and telling them they’re awesome every day.

So I admit it: I’m no Carol Brady. These women do exist, I know some and wish them all the best; no idea how they do it! Even though I’m not the ‘perfect mom’, I’m hoping I don’t deserve the title of ‘Bad Mom’ either. Am I allowed to claim a spot somewhere in the middle?

If so, I’m OK with that.


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