Carried Away

The end of the year is nearly here, hallelujah! The kids have finished school, most workplaces are about to shut down and the Christmas mayhem is nearly at its climax. As I see the end in sight, I feel like a desperately thirsty person crawling through the desert who has nearly reached the oasis. I really feel like I need a holiday. Here are some signs I have hit the wall, do any of them sound familiar?

1. Parenting Fails

My son came to me for a hug the other night. I embraced him tightly, like the loving and devoted parent that I am. I said, sincerely, “Mate, I’m so proud of you for a great year. How does it feel to finish year 1?”

He looked at me incredulously and said, “Don’t you mean year 2?”.

Wow. I can’t remember what year my kid is in. You know you really need a break when this happens.

2. Forgetting Stuff

My life is losing stuff. Sunglasses, reading glasses, keys, wallet. The joke of the office is that I leave, then come back 30 seconds later EVERY time as I’ve forgotten something. It never fails. As I left on Friday they called out “we’ll be seeing you again in a sec.”

“Not this time guys!” I replied confidently and skipped out. I was wrong. Back in I walked with my tail between my legs to grab my swipe pass, welcomed by their applause. This is my life. It’s been getting worse and I know people have noticed because a group of friends gave me this the other night as a Christmas gift. 

3. Forgetting Really Important Stuff

We took 2 cars to church the other day as I was on morning tea duty which meant I’d have to stay later. George wanted to go home with the kids but our eldest wanted to stay longer to play with her friends and asked if she could come home with me instead – no problem. After clean up, I drove home. I walked in the door and was greeted by my loving family. Or rather, most of them. George looked at me and asked where our eldest daughter was.

Oh. My. Goodness. I had forgotten her. I called a friend hoping he was still there, which he was. I said sheepishly “I’ve forgotten something, can you have a look for me?”

“Sure, what is it?” he replied cheerfully

“Uh, my child,” I said.

George rushed off to pick her up. She was playing, gloriously happy, with friends and hadn’t even realised I’d left. She found it hilarious. “You’re not going to let me forget this are you?” I asked. “Nope!” she replied with a twinkle in her eye. 

4. Losing It

I’ve been unwell for the past week and in some pain. Combine that with busy days and not enough sleep and the she-beast rears her ugly head. I have lost it several times at unwitting family members who have committed only the slightest transgression. For example:

• We are about to walk out the door for school and I realise someone hasn’t: put their shoes on, done their sunscreen, packed their lunchbox = ‘losing it’ style rant.
• I am driving and someone has parked across 2 spaces or can’t use a roundabout or just generally drives like a moron = ‘losing it’ style rant.
• I go to the freezer and someone has eaten the last of the ice cream = ‘losing it’ style rant.

The following video is basically me at the moment if provoked (sorry about the quality but you get the idea):

My usual pattern is to explode then feel immediate remorse and spread sincere apologies like fairy dust. But it’s not a great way to live. 

5. Uncontrollable Laughter

This can be a sign you’re really losing the plot. I recently watched this video:

I have literally never laughed so hard in my life. My whole body convulsed like I was having a fit. I snorted. I cried. More accurately, I wept a river. My son ran into the room to see what was wrong with Mummy. I watched it again immediately and got the same reaction.

Later that day I was at the osteopath lying on the table. He is a serious man and had his hands under my lower back making some adjustments. Not really the best time to be giggling. But I thought about the video…Oh no, it was happening again. I literally couldn’t control myself. I started to shake with laughter. Tears started to roll down the sides of my cheeks. He looked at me like I was crazy, which was not out of the question. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I began. And I lay there thinking “Don’t think about it, don’t think about it…”. Do you think I could not think about it? Nope. It all started again and continued as my personal battle throughout my the entire appointment. I paid the bill and left feeling completely embarrassed knowing he thought I was either a nutcase or just weirdly kinky. When I watch this video now, I do find it pretty funny but I think my initial response was evidence of a woman near breaking point.

I think I have proved my case: I need a holiday. Do you?