Carried Away

It seems that Kate Middleton and I are two of a kind. Two peas in a pod. Virtually twins. Is it our exquisite bodies? Flawless skin? Graceful demeanor? Flowing silky tresses? Uh, sure why not! But mostly, we like to re-wear our outfits.

I was surfing the net today and saw a ‘NEWSFLASH’! Was it ‘76 year old Indian woman gives birth to naturally conceived quadruplets, one of whom has 2 heads?’ or ‘Jessica Simpson drowns whilst washing car, found scantily clad straddling hood’? No, it was ‘Kate wears outfit twice!’ As DJ Tanner/Fuller would say – Oh Mylanta!

Reading the article, it would appear that Kate likes to wear some of her favorite designer outfits twice as it makes her more ‘relatable’ to us commoners. If I can relate to someone wearing an Alexander McQueen coat not only once but twice to attend the Queen’s annual garden party, then sure, I can totally relate. As I said, twinsies! I guess it’s the same as if I wore my new pair of blue leopard print pajama pants to school drop off and then *GASP* again to school pick up the next day. Far out – this is some crazy stuff here people.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I love Kate. Even though she is a goddess and in comparison to her I feel & look like a troll, there is no jealousy. I enjoy watching her comings and goings, her outfits, her grace and composure in every scenario. But I would never want to be her: Sucking up to the Queen constantly…Having to have perfect hair and make up every time she leaves the house…Pretending to be interested in all the tedious functions she has to attend when she’s probably wishing she could kick back and watch re-runs of Ab Fab with a glass of cardonnay. Thanks but no thanks, it’s all yours Katie.

But the Princess privilege that I would absolutely love is a personal dresser. I detest clothes. I suppose what I really mean is I detest fashion. I like to cover myself, obviously. My 3 year old walked in on me one time when I was getting out of the shower, took one look at my naked form and cowered in the corner, pointing and whimpering “Mummy I don’t like your body”. Sweet child. So yes, I see the need for clothes. I just hate thinking about them. So if I could steal one Princess privilege it would be to have someone buy all my clothes for me and lay them out each day. No matter what the occasion, I would find the right outfit that is flattering to my body type and weather appropriate waiting for me each day. Ah bliss! I hate waking each day and looking in the wardrobe. A third of my clothes are too small from pre-kids. About a third are too big if I bought them either whilst pregnant or just post giving birth (I think I’ve mentioned that I nearly doubled in weight each time, whilst Kate halved). I have a drawer full of underwear that would make me look like a pork roast in a string, as Liz Lemon would say and a few maternity bras left over that could be comfortably used for parachutes if I chose to ‘Sky-dive the Gong’. So that leaves about 1/3 of my wardrobe that is suitable size wise. So like my bestie Kate, I re-wear things often.

My other problem is that I hate shopping. Really hate it. I know that is strange for a girl. But it’s true. I find it boring and tedious. There nothing worse than having to go into change rooms and try things on. Those mirrors are evil. If I owned a fashion boutique I would totally install skinny mirrors, not the freaking carny-style fat mirrors that are in most dressing rooms. Such a poor commercial choice! Don’t they know we would buy more if we looked better!? But even without the change rooms, I can go into a shop, see something I like, that I think will fit and that I can afford. Do I buy it? No. I don’t know why. Perhaps lack of commitment. Or maybe lack of confidence in my own fashion sense, which seems quite sensible given my purchasing history and track record of buyers remorse when I realise at home that the item looked better on the mannequin. So I end up back where I began each morning, sifting through a wardrobe that looks like a rack at a second-hand market stall. This is why you will see me wearing the same jeans, converse sneakers and pink t-shirt over and over again.

But seeing that my buddy Kate does it, I am suddenly feeling so much better. It does make me love her more. I’d like to propose a deal with Kate: if she wears the same Alexander McQueen coat to the Queen’s garden party again next year, I will commit to wearing the same flaming hot pink fluffy dressing gown to school drop off all winter! DEAL!!??!

PS Here is the article link if you want to check it out:

http://www.vanityfair.com/style/2016/05/kate-middleton-prince-george-christening-coat-queen-garden-party